I lay in bed every night, close my eyes and wish really, really hard, I wish for everything to go back to the way it was before the night Chris died. I want my Dad back. If I hadn’t gone behind Mum and Dad’s back and asked Chris to the formal none of this would ever have happened! That’s why I’ve decided to write a diary. I feel like that night, the night of the formal, was the night my life changed forever. Nothing can and will stay the same for me. I’ve killed someone! Although it was an accident, I know it has changed me forever. I was so busy trying to grow up and guess what…. I grew up! But not in the way I wanted.
Everything is different now.
I’m not sure what I would do without Declan, he found my necklace by the spot Chris had been found and just knew that Dad was covering for me. So I had to tell him. I had to, I felt like I could burst open with all those secrets welling up inside of me. I still don’t know if it was the right thing going to the sentencing when Dad had made me promise I wouldn’t. I’ve gone against Dad’s word again, and I’m so worried he’ll be angry with me. But I had to try and help him. As Declan said, I’m lucky… I’m lucky I have a Dad who would sacrifice his own life for me because he loves me so much. I feel the same, I can’t hide the truth and watch my Dad suffer for me. “The truth will set you free!” I read that in a book once. Huh, funny thing it was Nicola who actually couldn’t keep the truth from being heard, for once! I really wanted to stand up in court but Declan stopped me, he was worried I would go to prison instead, and then Nicola of all people spoke up. Dad was sentenced anyway, I can’t believe it. But Mum said Toadie will get him out soon.
Please, please bring Dad back to us.
Rachel was a bit upset when I told her and Zeke the truth about what had really happened to Chris. I hope she understands that I couldn’t say anything, not to anyone. I’ll explain to her one day that Declan found out because of the necklace. She’ll understand. It was good to be back to normal with them, I’ve missed hanging out with my friends. It’s been so frustrating holding on to that horrible secret for so long.
Mum is so hurt, I can tell. She’s happy that I’m off the hook, but she misses Dad and is worried that he will end up in prison forever. She’s trying to stay brave. It’s hard to talk to her when I know this is all my fault. With Declan it’s different. We understand each other. I feel like he’s fighting for me…. I don’t know why, but it feels good.
He told me yesterday before I found out I was off the hook that if I went to jail he’d break me out and we’d run away together. I liked it when he said that, he makes me feel safe.
It does feel better being outside the bubble again though.
Love from
Bridget xx
